Well, it's officially 2004 here in Australia.

Nothing exciting - some other time I'll update on the New Year (un)festivities. But I wanted to post this one thought....

I called Paul to wish him a Happy Australian New Years and a happy anniversary from here. We just chatted and such. He said that he loved his time at YP, but there were a few things he would have liked to have had different. He listed them off and all I wanted to hear him say about what he wanted to change was to have me there. But it never came. I know that it is incredibly selfish and egocentric of me to want to hear that, it's just that I feel so alone here. And I felt like I was just a flippant thought to him - like everything else was more important and exciting. The conversation continued rather tersly and uncomfortably, which is not the environment you want a long distance phone call to take.

Even now, I still feel so empty. Not unloved...... just not loved. I was saying earlier that I wanted to leave here as soon as possible so I could be with people who loved and cared about me, but I don't even know where that is any more. It isn't here in Canberra, and I highly doubt it is in Winnipeg either.

I just feel like sobbing until I can't cry any more, but it's too hot for tears. It feels like fucking shit to be alone, sad and rejected on New Years AND my anniversary.

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-humbug