Hi all,

Not much new to report. Today was the funeral...... sad times. The viewing really helped wih the acceptance of his death, but it still doesn't seem real. He was so... alive. He was so lively. He was so wonderful. I know regrets usually follow at this time, but I do wish I had spent more time with him. He did SO much! And he had so many wonderful stories to tell. (I learnt this story today)In true Polak fashion, he and my grandmother met while going around a revolving door. *smile* I think that's romantic - makes me think of Breakfast at Tiffany's, or the like. If I aspire to anything I want to live a life as full as my grandfathers. Maybe with less army service time, but he sure did experience a lot. I also learnt today that my great-grandfather was an engineer as well..... that really cheers me up. Even if I never met him, I know that he would have been proud of me.

It is strange seeing all these old people who were my grandparent's friends, and seeing how -old- they are. Not to be disrespectful, but I start to realise the actual shortness of life. Some of these people can't remember their life.... that makes me so sad. They don't remember the good times they had - I never want to be like that. I want to remember every detail, every single wonderful moment that I am given on this earth. I want to appreciate each breath (except when I am suffering from allergies and I wheeze :P) and love every moment.

I feel rather cliched at the moment, because I am sure that everyone feels this way after a death. But, you know, I don't care. I used to be very wrapped up in being an individual, and thinking radically, when in fact all I was doing was joining the alternative mainstream by posing to destroy the "organisation". Now I know that I'm an individual because I am -me-. And no one else is me. Jane = me; me = Jane. I am my own person, just confused sometimes (read: all the time).

I'm sure this self-realisation blather has bored you all tremendously, as no one really cares about the self improvement as much as we pretend (and I don't mean that in a mean way, just an observation).

So, on to new and exciting topics! I am getting a bank card! *ooooOOOOOOOoooooo* So apparently I'm lacking on the exciting parts.....

Okay, to return to previous topic (go me and me ADD) I'm listening to the Corrs, and one of the lyrics was "Do you ever wonder where the story ends and how it all began?" - it sounds so pretty. Right now it rings true, because (obviously) I don't know what is going to happen in the future, and what happens once my story ends, and I have little idea of what happened before my story began. And how does my story impact other people's stories? AND I wonder how often I can say "story" in this paragraph? :P

Okay, I'm off to potter around on the web,

later days,

js