We are lines of clones, all marching in time. Thinking in time. Not thinking actually - following orders. Believing what is easiest to digest, with no discussion. Maybe that is the problem - too much discussion. But not about the right things. Discussion about physics or chem or marks, not about feelings and emotions. The person I want to be is educated, funny and respected. But it seems those respected are obnoxious, pretensious assholes that dominate the conversation, and revel in others academic or intellectual downfalls. It's the playgroung bully but instead of an early growth spurt, it's a fast-food world of memorized statistics, high marks, word count and bragging about the latest award. All to make others feel lower than yourself, and to raise your own status.

I feel reduced to my smallest parts. All because I let their opinions of themselves dictate the way I am supposed to act in their presence. I'm such a pushover. Ugh... I feel frustrated, and disgusted with myself.

I hate all this competition - it's not healthy. I hate being part of a crowd, only because I have nothing to distinguish myself from others. I hate that I look at other people and feel inferior. I hate not being the center of my universe.

I just hate....